Film image #53
2022, Acrylic on board, 30x30cm
27 July 2022
Elegiac, elegy, paradise, yearning for lost paradise paradise lost, perfect communion with God, the garden , cultivated purposefully with a location , a circumference , a place within the rest of creation , inside and outside , known and undefined undetermined , conscious and unconscious, me and God. The spell this image casts is complex difficult to determine define describe i feel it keenly though, taste it glimpse it, cant encapsulate it in a word, there is ennui, uncertainty, consolation, rest , a questioning , doubt, happiness sadness, bittersweet melancholy, hopelesness , despair, resignstion, sublimity, under the influence of forces great and undetected, limited, existential angst, facing the situation, acceptance , placing onelself in something larger, depending dependence complete dependence , reassurance, more consolation, looking ahead, uncertain future. Entangled in the grass, looking out over the sea , glimpsing infinity , eternity, the afterlife , something vast emmense.
When contemplating a painting I write down my stream of consciousness and find that it has a certain flow and rhythm that is lost when I try to rewrite it into something more clear and logical for others to read. When I reread some of the streams even though they have not made complete rational sense I feel something , I feel somehow different , as if it has raked my mind and set things differently, as if it was not all me having these thoughts but where the point of influence existed between reality and the spiritual realm, in a cell in my brain , the way i think, the way we all think, influenced by large undetectable background systems, beyond our comprehension.
Urge to procreate have offspring raise a child into uncertainty despite uncertainty the urge overwhelms the fear , being manipulated by some large influence to keep the human race , continuity of the human species , even under the direst circumstances, the will to procreate, continuity , immortality, to stay alive , survival instinct, strong the intense survival instinct, test its intensity feel intensity: stop breathing. To keep living even under the most oppressive conditions and levels of suffering , and then to bring another being into that same suffering, knowing it will only get worse. The selfishness inherent in having a child , to stave off the fear of dying alone, and dooming the child to die , go through death, someone eventually will have to die alone
Elegiac, elegy, paradise, yearning for lost paradise paradise lost, perfect communion with God, the garden , cultivated purposefully with a location , a circumference , a place within the rest of creation , inside and outside , known and undefined undetermined , conscious and unconscious, me and God. The spell this image casts is complex difficult to determine define describe i feel it keenly though, taste it glimpse it, cant encapsulate it in a word, there is ennui, uncertainty, consolation, rest , a questioning , doubt, happiness sadness, bittersweet melancholy, hopelesness , despair, resignstion, sublimity, under the influence of forces great and undetected, limited, existential angst, facing the situation, acceptance , placing onelself in something larger, depending dependence complete dependence , reassurance, more consolation, looking ahead, uncertain future. Entangled in the grass, looking out over the sea , glimpsing infinity , eternity, the afterlife , something vast emmense.
When contemplating a painting I write down my stream of consciousness and find that it has a certain flow and rhythm that is lost when I try to rewrite it into something more clear and logical for others to read. When I reread some of the streams even though they have not made complete rational sense I feel something , I feel somehow different , as if it has raked my mind and set things differently, as if it was not all me having these thoughts but where the point of influence existed between reality and the spiritual realm, in a cell in my brain , the way i think, the way we all think, influenced by large undetectable background systems, beyond our comprehension.
Urge to procreate have offspring raise a child into uncertainty despite uncertainty the urge overwhelms the fear , being manipulated by some large influence to keep the human race , continuity of the human species , even under the direst circumstances, the will to procreate, continuity , immortality, to stay alive , survival instinct, strong the intense survival instinct, test its intensity feel intensity: stop breathing. To keep living even under the most oppressive conditions and levels of suffering , and then to bring another being into that same suffering, knowing it will only get worse. The selfishness inherent in having a child , to stave off the fear of dying alone, and dooming the child to die , go through death, someone eventually will have to die alone