25 February 2024

The deep rhythmic repetitive thud of some huge monster’s feet hitting the earth. An elephant’s footprint. A brontosaurus footprint. Huge but gentle, a gentle giant. Am i riding a gentle giant? This footprint is full of fire and lava. This is no gentle giant, this is the great modern monster of the fire people. Can we redeem modernisation by selflessness from now on, or is it too late? The footprint seems to be treading on disappearing grounds. Trying to make ground out of nothing. Destabalising. The pervasive verticle pattern runs through it, but the footprint impedes and obscures the patterns appearance. The great modern monster pushing the pattern flat, so that it is no longer appearing as a verticle pattern, but horizontal. The great modern monster presented in shades of peach fuzz.

26 February 2024

My system of categories rest on hidden assumptions. Spaces that wait for silence. Already there. Appearing when all externality is gone. Being unaware of them is very dangerous. Weaknesses in the patterns of my mind that the devil can exploit. Patterns within patterns that rest on nothing. Recategorising to find those spaces. Becoming aware of them. Walking through them until I know consciously or unconsciously how to deal with them. Entrenched patterns. Established strong pathways are not easy to ’fix’. It is impossible but it must be done somehow. As I grow old and senile, the weak pathways will be forgotten, good and bad, and the strong ones will remain, good and bad.

The Earth in the throws of being unmade. God’s sword of wrath and judgement dripping with blood. How will I love God with a retarded aesthetic, how will I be able to see right from wrong, how will I be able to know and love Him? Fear. Working out my salvation with fear and trembling.

When I relax my eyes, release focus, my vision is filled with the image in each eye. A plethora of petals. The two flowers flow through each other. Undulating: moving with a smooth wavelike motion.

Motivated by fear until I can be motivated by love. I know that i have been made to love God. I know that He is working on me. I know that as I engage my aesthetic will develop until the day I die, or He comes to rapture us, and I will continue to grow and love Him more and more. And the more my love grows, the more too will my assurance and joy.

Llama: The image of the flowers in your vision, with petals flowing through each other, creates a beautiful and peaceful contrast to the turmoil in your inner world. This vision may symbolize the harmony and unity you seek in your spiritual journey.

27 February 2024

Ezekiel’s writing seems frantic. As if he was in a hurry to translate what he saw into words. His thoughts go back forth. He mentions something, moves on to something else, then goes back again when he remembers something else that he felt to important not to mention. His description is repetitive in places. The way he speaks is different to how we speak now. When reading the king james version, i find it is best to ignore the words in italics. Some descriptions seem anomalous. What does he mean by their four sides. Does a man have four sides? What do straight feet look like, with the sole as the sole of a calf’s hoof? The faces with four faces, the four living creatures, the coals or lamps moving up and down through them, creating a vertical pattern, remind me of my paintings. I think i have painted cherubim subconsciously. They can appear as serpents apparently too. Beryl and emerald wheels, covered with eyes, appearing as fire, with lightning, moving out and returning again like lightning. The bible must have been written by dreams visions and deep contemplation. Pretty much like what i am doing now. Straight feet, pointed feet like a ballet dancer. The hands on their wings must be markings. Two wings touching, could be like the two wings of a dragon fly, flying like the helicopters in Dune. the fire folding upon itself and expelling lighting, make me think of modernisation, from fire to electricity. I don't think i have time to paint in peach fuzz. I see faces overlapping each other in this painting. Now smiling, now pouting, having buck teeth, or a row of pearly whites. Is this how i learn to see? Patterns within patterns. One thing being more than one thing. Imagining the side view, and the top view. The horizontal view and the vertical view. This becomes quite a slippery flower. The dog barks. the dark god. Alarm, sound the alarm. Is this how i learn to see past my categories?

3 March 2024

Peach fuzz is the fine hair that grows on an adolescent boys face. A sign of his sexual awakening. Traumatic for mothers who are losing their innocent little boys. But what must happen, happens. Are you going to shame him and make him feel like a creep? Are you going to tell him what a man is not without telling him what a man is? Leaving a void. Does anyone know what a man is? Can someone decode the cypher and tell us what it says? Can someone tell us what the bible says? Will you like what you hear? Probably not. Enough information at least until it starts to make sense. So this is what happens when a man paints flowers. I can still see a person in the creep. Anyone want a fixer upper? Can anyone stay until the work is complete? So seductive, isn’t it?

3 March 2024

I did not find it very pearly this morning.
An ocean angel eating a sea butterfly.
This angel has a devilish side.
They are both blind.

In the ocean where ’things’ swim.
And pearls lie on the see-bed.
Monitoring tiny fluctuations in the water.
I am, what is your name?

Where is me and not me?
Distillations of being and time.
Why does your being flicker and snow?
No hesitation, repetition or deviation.

The pearl-bearing flower.
A being bearing pearls.
Swimming in the ocean.
Guided to its port by its own aesthetic.

Spirit-mind-world.
Manifestation of consciousness in the 'real' world.
A living creature covered in eyes.
The sun.