Unable to recognise God as the most beautiful and valuable thing. I have traded him in for something else that I find to be more valuable, for an image that seems more than him, more than my liking, more to my liking, more commensurate with my categories of what is valuable, more fitting with my categories, my complex web, structure of categories. I have moved my focus onto something that seems more glorious and beautiful, incorrectly. When will God seem like the most valuable thing to me? When will I go into the uncategorised abyss and find new systems that see the truth more? How will I see that something is not right? What will make me realise this? When will my aesthetic sensibility lead to God instead of somewhere else?